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Fri, Feb. 4th, 2005, 07:49 am
angel430: I just don't understand

Why you have to be this way? I just don't get it. I know you get jealous, but if you would take the time to listen to me, you would know that all last night I was reading just articles. The only real reason why I wanted the damn thing was to read about Ashlee Simpson. Thanks for runing my Friday so far. This is so rediculous. I don't kow how the hell I should act. I feel like I am five and I cannot read anything for fear that you are going to get pissed off. This shit has got to stop.

You walk by me, don't say hello, sound depressed on the phone when I call. What am I supposed to do? This isn't my fault. What hurts me more than anything right now is that you did all of this probably while I was asleep. I don't take your things and say you cannot read them. What if I thought you took that just so you could look at the chick and get off when you got home?

This shit needs to stop. It needs to be let go. YOU need to TRUST ME!!!! I can't keep doing this when we're supposed to be in love and getting married. People like that don't do this.

I am so angry as you can tell and since I am so angery, my words and phrases are probably not making sense or you're taking it on a much deeper level than it needs to be. Bottom line is this, I feel like you don't trust me. I feel like I cannot do anything, and you tell me I can, but how am I supposed to believe you when you won't give me the chance?

This isn't to make your day worst, it's just to tell you how I feel.

Please respond, I'm not going through this entire day being pissed like this and you moping around. DOn't ruin my weekend. Please.

Things were finally getting back to US being IN LOVE and SHOWING IT every 2 SECONDS. Don't take that away from me.

Fri, Feb. 4th, 2005 02:22 pm (UTC)

You have no idea how sorry I am. Last night after I left I felt incredibly guilty. I felt like I had betrayed you in some way and I wanted to return it. I realized that I was being an idiot because I already knew you were actualy reading the articles, as you mentioned. Initially, when I was still at your house, I felt like we would end up arguing about it if I talked to you about it and so I tried to sneak it out. That was wrong of me and for that I am sorry.

I guess my problem with it was more the concept than mistrust. I looked at it as if the tables were turned. Perhaps Ken lends me an issue of Maxim for an article about a guy who got his "self" stuck in a vaccuum hose. Personally, I think that you would go bizerk because I honestly beleive you would think I was just looking at the girls in it. That in my opinion is a valid thought for a signifigant other to have run through their mind. I wouldn't have been pissed off at you for thinking that, however, i think that I would have been pissed off if you took it and didn't let me know you were. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did and I hope you can forgive me. I didn't mean to take it from you, I just felt desparate to keep it away from you and acted irrationally. I love you and trust you with all my heart so I don't know why I let my thoughts overwhelm me. Not for sympathy or anything, but from my perspective it is much like a disease to me. i fight it and it conquers me when I least expect it to strike. I'm sorry and I hope you will still hold me tonight and like the fact that we are holding each other.